it is time

finally the time has arrived, the hour has come.. for my first exam!

its great! the first paper is the easiest to study but i think also the least intersting. i am having to memorise chuncks of history with regards to the new testament. hehe.. but its not that bad cos my lecturere told us the exact questions that are coming out for the exam..

i will be blgging in another 10 hours. cos i wonder how the exam system here is like.


hooooo

angels in my life

last night, i was studying till about 2am. then jinqi suddenly just msned me. :) then she said something, 'tamar, i really miss you. i mean really.' and i was like .... so touched !

sometimes when you are just feeling so crappy, God will just send some people to make my day that leetle bit better.

went to devon port today. its a nice little place. i bought a book for rachel, for angela and for chandra's children! :) then ate the famous fish and chips! it was good.

there was another angel, someone read my last post, and this angel cared enough to ask me what it was all about. haha.. and this angel has a really angel like name. she is super cute la! she said:"who so bad... talk negative things..' so cute la! haha.. reminds me of the time she said to me in email before, ' aiya dun need to scare la, we will sayang you.'

God, thank you for sending people like this into my life.

oh! and aaron died today! and i got a new friend called raphael! he was so sweet! he gave something like a grammy award kinda speech during his testimony and bought some of us some gifts to thank us! it was great to see people being water baptised. the sincerity of the testimonies, the excitement, the love and support given by people around. like always, water baptism strikes a cord in me...

ok! some singaporean friends are comin over tonight to eat dinner and to wipe out the ice cream. previously, we had mikale, sarah, angela and rachel to come over to eat ice cream. we still had 4 tubs left. so now, this is the second ice cream party in three days! :p

i got heaps of work to do. .. alot alot.

laopa ni zhi dao wo de xin qin, qing ni bang bang wo. xie xie ni. shi ni bu shi wo.

talk talk talk talk talk talk talk

likewise the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. with the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in God's likeness.

just got back from ccm. it was a really intersting one cos of 2 factors. #1. i lost my voice while leading worship. #2. it was the annual general meeting. but this is besides the point. i am bothered about somethings.

its just so so so tiring to talk with some people. so tiring. so draining. to hear them rattle on, to pretend that you understand. (even though you should not be like this) but what would you do in such a situation? - your friend talks about something, and expects you to listen? to comment? to agree? to express your true opinion? sometimes its so hard to figure out what to do.. so i guess have to think wat He thinks i guess. and say what He would say.


i realize that i get turn off in 2 situations. 1. when people talk about themselve 24/7, regardless whether the opposite party wanna listen. 2. negative speech. excessive bitching about someone else, complaints, bad spirited speech. those belonging to category 2 i have a hard time dealing with. maybe its myself, if i am more selfless, and more patient and sympathetic. *shrugs* but guess one thing i learn is that i should not have such speech patterns.

http://www5.gamesville.lycos.com/html_poke/poke_penguin.htm
i usually dun feel this way. haha.. but i guess its like the link above. sometimes, there is a last straw to what one can take right?

learning to deal with these things! haha.. is prob good. cos if i really become a psychologist, i am going to hear LOADS OF NEGATIVE SPEECH WHICH HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH ME! so might as well learn to deal with it now.

19 oct

the weather is refreshing. it brings happiness. it makes you feel light hearted! the sun is out. the wind is almost gone. the humidity never comes. so it is so warm and cool at the same time. i feel that the buildings look nicer in spring too. and plus the grass and flowers that are racing to sprout out! haha.. and albert park is sprawled now with flowers and also people. like in london! everyone is lying on the grass. recieveing the long awaited sunlight. its a new begining!

talking about light-heartedness. or maybe talking about the heart. the life of the heart is a place of great mystery and wonder. heartless, have a heart, heart of gold, black hearted, broken herted, heartaches, heart to to heart talk and lastly lose heart. It is in my heart that we first hear the voice of people that we love, of God and in this heart that we will come to know these people and also laopa. I must admit that for a period of time, i lost my heart. in chinese, it says 'zhuo shi mei you sin' (do things no heart-direct translation) On sunday, the stories and spirit found it way to my heart.

finished reading journey of desire. haha.. opps.. rate it maybe 3 stars. not fantastic la.

going to meet angela. hope she wun ask me about 'it'. but i think she will la.
p pae called me on fri! :)

praying for raph's mummie.
thinking of central 1.

excited to go for the youth anniversary.

miss nike and oscar.

ok those were the last of my random thoughts.

9:54am. enjoying my daily morning routine. wash up. put the water to boil. make milo. (4tea spoons of milo and 1 teaspoon of sugar) devotions. worship. and then change and get ready for school. today i got some extra time so can come here to blog abit.

i know my future is in your hands. All of my hopes and dreams and plans. you give me strength to live and faith to succeed. i believe in you because you believe in me.

this song just came to mind. yesterday i was just thinking, 1 am almost 1/3 thru my life le. and in the eyes of man, i have not accomplished much. and when i see myself in this way, i am discontented and dis appointed. but then, God judges not the appearance but wats inside. so i believe that he is doing a good work in me and is continually doing so. i will hence trust that my future is in his hands. That all of my hopes and dreams and plans (i have lots of these). That he will give me the strength and faith to accomplish them.

the irritating thing about blogs is that many people can read it. so i cant just say what i want to say. haha.. cos i dun want people like you (who is reading) to know too much about me! haha.. nevermind i got my journal. will go pen down my thoughts instead.

anyway, you didnt forget. i can feel spring coming alot. there is a spring in my step too!

numbering my days

15 more days to exams. 19 more days till i meet my mom. 28 days till my exams end. 37 more days till i meet my aunt and family. 43 days before going to south island. 57 days before i am back home in singapore.

counting down to so many things.

stomach has not been well these days. always feel like vomiting and uncomforatble feeling in the stomach. its irritating.. the feeling is not good la. dun know wat is wrong too.

revision is goin on well. i was quite worried initially for my bs module. then the lecturer is so farnie. he gave us the questions exactl words that is coming out for the exam. and offered to even to post it to your house if you want the hard copy. haha.. so i just have to go and memorise the ans then spill it out for him on the 27th (my first paper)

quite some stuff for cognitive science and perception and cogntion is overlapping. so although its quite difficult, at least the amount of content to study is not exceeding.

the last paper is clinical psych. that one is interesting to study but heaps too! but guess i will jus learn. enjoy learning it.

have not been reading as much the past week. will finish the book i am on this week i guess. then i can get started on a new one next week. hehe... have been watching some dvd though. its kinda kool! love to read and watch movies.

upcoming events: ccm fund raising dinner on 14th nov, picnic at albert park with rachel at albert park, i-space international farewell dinner and did i mention, exams?

craving for something sour.. sour!

*numbering my days

oOoOoK i AM bored

am bored. so bored. did one essay outline on corinthians. then could not bring myself to do another one.

will stop torturing myself. i will just go read a book? or maybe i should jus force myself to do my work. haiz.. i am confusing myself. i think i am going mad! gila! mad ones!


bong bong bong bong.

BORED! ........................................................................ MAYBE NOT BORED. BORED = A STATE WHERE ALL YOU WANT TO DO IS TO DO NOTHING. NOT TO DO SOMETHING EXCITING. is that right? erh.. ok bored is when you want to do something exciting. lazy= not wanting to do anything!

yes ok so i am not bored. but i am just feeling llazy!!!
Bum bum bum bum.


oh no being super random and super sporradic now. this is how bored i am.

just finished my second last lab for cognitive science. this is the second last time that i will see my totally cool tutor. haha.. and prissie!!! i forgot to check the finger! haiz.. *sniggers you wicked wicked woman.

have finished all all ALL my assignments for the semester. am left with only one last lab report. then it will be just revision for my exams.

i think about one month back. i was disappointed. cos i worked quite hard on my assignments and essays. but i didnt do as well as i wanted to. haha.. then i asked him. why? then he taught me contentment and ease my dis-appointments. and lately all the reports that i am getting back are really good! sometimes i think i got GAD- generalized anxiety disorder. am able to worry about practically anything at any time. i will continue to trust him for the grades of my remaining assignment and also for my examinations.

hope that my lecturers start to reply my email though. i would really like to hear what they have to say about post graduate studies. anticipation..

on one lastnote: am thinking of highlighting my hair. hehe.. ash color. was thinking about it one day. then rachel came to me and said, i feel like dyeing my hair! haha.. so we took it as a sign and we are going to visit the salon on the 21oct. but i will re-consider once i know how big a hole its going to burn.

today is my 6th last ccm. pages turning rapidly. very rapidly.

back to finding evidence for the phonological loop in working memory. -_- how exciting. -_-

secret set

there is a secret set within each of our hearts. if often goes unnoticed, we rarely can put them into words, and yet it guides us throughout the days of our lives.

seasons may pass until it surfaces again. the search for the a life that we have always dreamed of. sometimes, even though i may be doing other things and getting on with my life, i stil have an eye for the life we secretly want. its probably called an overt endogenous attention (consistent) one in our life..

'what good will it be for a man if he gains the whole world, yet forfeit his soul?' matt12:26
what good? what good? what good? ya... what good.

God created me with desires. Desires that is differenet from you and unique to my own make up. He wanted us to pursue this desire. but i must be careful that its this desire is not polluted by the fallen nature. Real nature and true nature is fundamentally beautiful and pure, until the garden of eden.


resurface. founded.

timing, promises, answers.miracles, goodness, presence.

whispers of joy******

turning the pages rapidly

more than half way. :) :( haha..

i have been in new zealand for 3months and 3 days today. so so grateful for all that has happened and all that is to be and to come. my mommie is coming over to join me in 31oct.

my exams are coming too in 3 weeks. started studying already. not as muggie as in nus. but at a comforatble pace and learning as much as i can.

over the past weekend. aaron, rach and I drove to some places. On sat, jeremy and gali joined us. Rach and i hadd come out with this grand plan to have a girls get away suntanning at the beach. it did not happen. A two person girl trip became a 5 person mixed gender trip. A sun tanning trip became running away from rain trip. The only thing that did not disappoint us was the food in french market and also the fellowship. Instead we went to st luke shopping mall. then went to missions bay for dinner. I drove home from missions bay. My first time driving in new zealand.

then later at about 2230pm, rach aaron and i set out to drive to east cape to catch the sunrise. lalala.. i started driving first for almost 5 hours. then rach took over. aaron was sleeping like a baby at the back for the whole time. haha.. its so farnie cos we did not reach in time to catch the sunrise. we were 3 hours away from east cape when the sun rose, so we watched the sky brighten in some bay. and we ate our breakfast infornt of cow dung. haha.. then it started raining again. hehe.. had to rush back into the car and off we set to east cape.

we got there. took pictures. saw the lighthouse. and then drove back. so many hours of driving.


finally got back at about 6pm. hehe.. the car is the most overworked thing.

enjoyed myself though it did not turn out the way we planned. Sometimes, things are just like that. they dun turn out the way you planned it to be. but there are good things. yes there are. i spent quite alot of time thinking. (something which i have been doing much lately)

God i want to do an honors thesis in psychology. will you help me? is this what you want me to do? *wonders

shirls: i bought a new book. haha.. could not resist la.. the journey of desire. when reading chapter 8 of closer than you think. the desire part was just probing me. then i walk into the book shop and saw the book on discount. then you see my self control flushed down the toilet bowl. *swush*

read(ed): 40days of purpose, captivating, wild at heart, God is closer than you think, travelling light.
going to read: God's chick, a journey of desire.

turning the remaining pages rapidly (life, books and lecture notes!!)


haha... anyway, angela you made me feel so loved when you called me yesterday. haha.. i thought you wanted something from me. it was good to hear your voice. oopppss! hah.. think i will miss you lots la. foot prints in my sand. rachel! check it out! the first of your many pictures in my blog.

*flip flip flip pages